reproduction

Babies; you like 'em, you want 'em: you have 'em. Me, I'm not convinced on liking, wanting, or having; and your 15 minute spiel won't convince me one way or the other. Don't waste your time, or mine for that matter. I think families are fine. I in fact, came from a family. I've seen how they work, I get the jest of them, I've seen them in action; both good and bad. I'm an optimist, always have been, but I also remember the joys of adolescence and what a huge pain in the ass I was to my folks during that time and them warning, "You just wait." I am also aware of a sluggish economy, tuition hikes, crime, and birth defects. I can't tell you that I don't take these things into consideration when pondering a self-inflicted population increase. Speaking of self-inflicted, I've only heard of terrible pains, such as passing a kidney stone, as being as painful as childbirth. That's like, "I knew cutting off my leg would hurt, but I did it anyway." Call me crazy, but I'm not a fan of pain, I receive enough pain by accident and am therefore not thrilled with the concept of choosing pain.


I am married, have been for 8 1/2 years. Surprise, surprise, I know, a gal as opinionated as me better have something going to keep an awesome husband like I have. We have a lot of fun together. We laugh all the time, go fun places, watch movies, and truly feel that being with the other makes our life better.


We do; however, experience a difference of opinion on the ol' baby-making front. He too is from a family, he was not hatched or kicked from the den like a baby fox, and happens to think that making small versions of ourselves is a dandy idea. When I present him with my list of concerns he thinks I'm being irrational and attempting to go against the grain. One of my chief complaints with people creation is the permanence. You are that kid's parent forever - you know f o r e v e r? Humans tend to live longer than dogs and he seems to think we've had ours for too long. I'd hate to see us end up with a 30-year-old deadbeat who still lives at home. Despite what goes on in Nebraska, you can't take your unwanted 30-something to the local humane society. Which, by the way, is well overcrowded and underfinanced, stop by and pick up a volunteer application, make a donation, or better yet, adopt a new family member - somebody else's attempt at breeding.


To those of you with offspring, be not offended. I'm sure you made the decision to procreate with careful consideration and an attempt to fill a life-long yearning. I have met children I like. My niece, for example, is a delight. She's smart, funny and respectful, not to mention adorable. I have also met children I dislike, possibly yours. A spanking is not a beating and may do you/us a world of good. Aside from behavior issues, what about those kids that are dirty, rude and plain ol' dumb? I sure don't want one of those and contrary to what my breeding friends say, sometimes that happens no matter how dedicated of a parent you were.


Mr. B and I may at some point have a small B. If we do, we'll decide on our own. We don't need your urging, encouragement, recipe, or reminder of what great parents we'd be or how old we're getting. What we could use is time and a heap of cash. You know that it costs at least $124,800, according to MSN Money, to raise a child to 18 years of age. That's before college tuition if you plan to assist with that cost. That's like the leg self-amputation example and then saying you're surprised at how much you had to pay for that pain!


Great okay, we got that settled. I'll let you know if we get a bun in the proverbial oven. Until then you don't need to ask; sometimes I just gain weight, sometimes I just have stomach flu, sometimes I just eat crazy food, if it's due to an occupant of my uterus I'll let you know.

So happy "practicing" to you and May your eggs be viable and your sperm be plentiful.

The fam: Bridget, Brandon, Buster and Bitsie.

a short rant on manners

Let me open with an apology and confession of my own guilt on this topic. I am sure we all have experienced those times when our "upbringing" takes a back seat the the total enjoyment of a stick of gum or fell victim to that burp that appeared out of nowhere. That being said; let's examine the real reason for this rant. "Adult onset lack of manners", is a horrible reality that strikes in a variety of situations. My most recent experiences with AOLOM happened at work, my job is in a "professional" office setting if you will; not a construction site or some other possible work setting, but an office. My job and that of the people seated near my cube, is phone sales. I repeat "PHONE". What do you think of the person seated most near to me loading her mouth with apple, chewing with her mouth open and then dialing?!! Oh yes, she did. I asked if she could chew any louder. She told me that I must have good ears and that she was just eating the apple. I said, "We know, everyone can hear it!"

A second example that happens at work and just reoccurred last week is non-double-flushing. We live in a "low-flow" toilet age; accept it. This low-flow lifestyle may, from time-to-time need a second flush, you're not being greedy, you're just practicing good sense; go ahead and take it. Often times there's a bit of "fighter poo" that manages to escape the first flush in a dramatic fight to avoid the septic, and is seen bobbing in the toilet for the stall's next visitor. NEWSFLASH - No One likes to see your poo. Give a second look and do a second flush and send it on its way. Less frequently seen and possibly more gross is "fighter fem prod." These offenders are not even supposed to be flushed, they belong in the trash receptacle conveniently located right in the stall. Should you feel the need to dispose of these products in a flushing manner, PLEASE give a second and look and be 100% certain that they have made it through to the happy hunting grounds of septic Heaven.

Whew - I feel better now. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.